Recently we received some bad news that impacts when we move to New Mexico. Basically, we’ve decided to put the move off until next Spring. It is more irritation than anything else, but could cost us money we would rather put into more lifestyle things.
My reaction was deep and disturbing. I slipped quickly into a deep depression.
But oddly, I felt a certain relief as well. As the window of time to get the move done before winter narrowed, I realized I was become more and more anxious that there was simply too much to do in too short a time, and we had been unable to set up dates because of this obstacle which seems meritless, but yet hasn’t been successfully addressed.
What I did realize as well, is that my first reaction was NOT to ask God why. No blame, no railing at the unfairness of it all. I simply knew that God was there, in the unhappiness, holding me tight.
That’s a good thing. It’s a wonderful realization that one might have matured in faith enough that one doesn’t automatically shake a fist at the heavens and demand answers and fixes.
God did not cause our problem. God stands with us, and with all parties to the dilemma and calls us to respond out of love and truth. Although that can be most hard and I am no better than anyone else at submerging my angers, I can indeed pray for those who see things in opposition to my way of thinking.
So today, I awoke in calm and peaceful acceptance. This is my life now. This is what it is. In the end, we will prevail as we most likely will, and we will continue our planning for moving. If we do not, we will lose some money, not enough to change plans really, and we will be fine. It will be what it will be. I will accept it good or bad.
I have already received a blessing beyond measure–the simple knowledge that as the psalmist says, “my inheritance is the Lord.” God will lead, teach, uphold if I let go of anger, disappointment, worry, and all the other negative thinking that prevents me from hearing that still soft voice within.
Old documents will be found or not. A decision will be made, but one thing never changes–God. In the end, moving serenely through the event, without seeking that someone “get what they deserve” will allow me to successfully see truth, present it, and allow that beyond that I can have no control.
I can only control me. I can only voluntarily give up my peace, it cannot be taken from me. Countless political and religious prisoners have made that clear. They so very often spoke of the fact that although their bodies were controlled by others, no one could control their minds.
Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t that wonderful? To know that no bad thing can truly touch us. Bad things do happen to good people. God does not cause them. But he stands ever within us waiting to comfort and support. If we listen to that wise counsel, than we are led to good choices, good decisions, and hopefully better outcomes insofar as we have any measure of control. This takes us to the Serenity Prayer which advises us to change what we can, accept what we can’t change, and to know the difference.
It’s that last part that leads us to pain.