Thunder, Perfect Mind

This is a feminist poem found at Nag Hammadi in 1945.

I thought it was powerful and beautiful.

Thunder, Perfect Mind

I was sent forth from the power,
and I have come to those who reflect upon me,
and I have been found among those who seek after me.
Look upon me, you who reflect upon me,
and you hearers, hear me.
You who are waiting for me, take me to your selves.
And do not banish me from your sight.
And do not make your voice hate me, nor your hearing.
Do not be ignorant of me anywhere or any time. Be on your guard!
Do not be ignorant of me.
 
 
For I am the first and the last.
I am the honored one and the scorned one.
I am the whore and the holy one.
I am the wife and the virgin.
I am the mother and the daughter.
I am the barren one
and many are her sons.
I am she whose wedding is great,
and I have not taken a husband.
I am the midwife and she who does not bear.
I am the solace of my labor pains.
I am the bride and the bridegroom,
and it is my husband who begot me.
I am the mother of my father
and the sister of my husband,
and he is my offspring.
I am the slave of him who prepared me.
I am the ruler of my offspring.
But he is the one who begot me before the time on the day of birth.
And he is my offspring in due time,
and my power is from him.
I am the staff of his power in his youth,
and he is the rod of my old age.
And whatever he wills happens to me.
I am the silence that is incomprehensible
and the idea whose remembrance is frequent.
I am the voice whose sound is manifold
and the word whose appearance is multiple.
I am the utterance of my name.
 
 
Why, you who hate me, do you love me
and hate those who love me?
You who deny me, confess me,
and you who confess me, deny me.
You who tell the truth about me, lie about me,
and you who have lied about me, tell the truth about me.
You who know me, be ignorant of me,
and those who have not known me, let them know me.
 
 
For I am Knowledge and ignorance.
I am shame and boldness.
I am shameless; I am ashamed.
I am strength and I am fear.
I am war and peace.
Give heed to me.
I am the one who is disgraced and the great one.
 
 
Give heed to my poverty and my wealth.
Do not be arrogant to me when I am cast out upon the earth,
and you will find me in those that are to come.
And do not look upon me on the dung-heap
nor go and leave me cast out,
and you will find me in the kingdoms.
And do not look upon me when I am cast out among those who
are disgraced and in the least places,
nor laugh at me.
And do not cast me out among those who are slain in violence.
But I, I am compassionate and I am cruel.
 
 
Be on your guard!
Do not hate my obedience
and do not love my self-control.
In my weakness, do not forsake me,
and do not be afraid of my power.
For why do you despise my fear
and curse my pride?
But I am she who exists in all fears
and strength in trembling.
I am she who is weak,
and I am well in a pleasant place.
I am senseless and I am wise.
 
 
Why have you hated me in your counsels?
For I shall be silent among those who are silent,
and I shall appear and speak.
Why then have you hated me, you Greeks?
Because I am a barbarian among the barbarians?
For I am the wisdom of the Greeks
and the knowledge of the barbarians.
I am the judgment of the Greeks and of the barbarians.
I am the one whose image is great in Egypt
and the one who has no image among the barbarians.
I am the one who has been hated everywhere
and who has been loved everywhere.
I am the one whom they call Life,
and you have called Death.
I am the one whom the call Law,
and you have called Lawlessness.
I am the one whom you have pursued,
and I am the one whom you have seized.
I am the one whom you have scattered,
and you have gathered me together.
I am the one before whom you have been ashamed,
and you have been shameless to me.
I am she who does not keep festival,
and I am she whose festivals are many.
I, I am godless,
and I am the one whose God is great.
I am the one whom you have reflected upon,
and you have scorned me.
I am unlearned,
and they learn from me.
I am the one whom you have despised,
and you reflect upon me.
I am the one whom you have hidden from,
and you appear to me.
But whenever you hide yourselves,
I myself will appear.
For whenever you appear,
I myself will hide from you.
Those who have [...] to it [...] senselessly [...]
 
 
Take me to yourselves understanding from grief,
and take me to yourselves from understanding and grief.
And take me to yourselves from places that are ugly and in ruin,
and rob from those which are good even though in ugliness.
Out of shame, take me to yourselves shamelessly;
and out of shamelessness and shame, upbraid my members in yourselves.
And come forward to me, you who know me and you who know my members,
and establish the great ones among the small first creatures.
Come forward to childhood,
and do not despise it because it is small and it is little.
And do not turn away greatnesses in some parts from the smallnesses,
for the smallnesses are known from the greatnesses.
 
 
Why do you curse me and honor me?
You have wounded and you have had mercy.
Do not separate me from the first ones from whom you have known.
And do not cast anyone out nor turn anyone away
[...] turn you away and [...] know him not.
[...]
What is mine [...].
I know the first ones and those after them know me.
 
But I am the mind of Perfect Mind and the rest of The Thunder.
I am the knowledge of my inquiry,
and the finding of those who seek after me,
and the command of those who asked of me,
and the power of the powers in my knowledge
of the angels, who have been sent at my word,
and of gods in their seasons by my counsel,
and of spirits of every man who exists with me,
and of women who dwell within me.
I am the one who is honored, and who is praised,
and who is despised scornfully.
I am peace
and war has come because of me.
And I am an alien and a citizen.
I am the substance and the one who has no substance.
 
 
Those who are without association with me are ignorant of me,
and those who are in my substance are the ones who know me.
Those who are close to me have been ignorant of me,
and those who are far away from me are the ones who have known me.
On the day when I am close to you,
you are far away from me,
and on the day when I am far away from you,
I am close to you.
 
I am [...] within.
I am [...] of the natures.
I am [...] of the creation of the spirits.
[...] request of the souls.
I am control and the uncontrollable.
I am the union and the dissolution.
I am the one below,
and they come up to me.
I am the judgment and the acquittal.
I, I am sinless,
and the root of sin derives from me.
I am lust in outward appearance,
and interior self-control exists within me.
I am the hearing which is attainable to everyone
and the speech which cannot be grasped.
I am a mute who does not speak,
and great is my multitude of words.
 
 
Hear me in gentleness, and learn of me in roughness.
I am she who cries out,
and I am cast forth upon the face of the earth.
I prepare the bread and my mind within.
I am the knowledge of my name.
I am the one who cries out,
and I listen.
I appear and [...] walk in [...] seal of my [...].
I am [...] the defense [...].
I am the one who is called Truth,
and iniquity [...].
 
 
You honor me [...] and you whisper against me.
You who are vanquished,
judge them who vanquish you before they give judgment against you,
because the judge and partiality exist in you.
If you are condemned by this one, who will acquit you?
Or if you are acquitted by him, who will be able to detain you?
For what is inside of you is what is outside of you,
and the one who fashions you on the outside
is the one who shaped the inside of you.
And what you see outside of you,
you see inside of you;
it is visible and it is your garment.
 
 
Hear me, you hearers,
and learn of my words, you who know me.
I am the hearing that is attainable to everything;
I am the speech that cannot be grasped.
I am the name of the sound
and the sound of the name.
I am the sign of the letter
and the designation of the division.
And I [...].
[...] light [...].
[...] hearers [...] to you
[...] the great power.
And [...] will not move the name.
[...] to the one who created me.
And I will speak his name.
 
Look then at his words
and all the writings which have been completed.
Give heed then, you hearers
and you also, the angels and those who have been sent,
and you spirits who have arisen from the dead.
For I am the one who alone exists,
and I have no one who will judge me.
 
 
For many are the pleasant forms which exist in
numerous sins,
and incontinencies,
and disgraceful passions,
and fleeting pleasures,
which men embrace until they become sober
and go up to their resting-place.
And they will find me there,
and they will live,
and they will not die again.
 

- Translation by George W. MacRae with a few small unscholarly illuminations by Wm. Jef Pratt

Knowing His Voice

“. . .anyone who does not enter the sheepfold through the gate, but gets in some other way is a thief and a brigand. The one who enters through the gate is the shepherd. . . .he goes ahead of them, and the sheep follow because they know his voice. They never follow a stranger but run away from him: they do not recognize the voice of strangers.”

John explains in the words of Jesus himself, that Jesus is the chosen shepherd and that his followers “know” him and intuitively “know” the thief and reject those that would lead the flock astray.

And we, believers that we are, somehow understand this.

Yet, we also recognize that this is not universally true. We may believe that  as individuals, we each “know”, but of course we know that this cannot be actually true.

For almost all of us has had occasion to debate or discuss some element of Christianity and come into serious disagreement. And what is the result? Someone hauls forth the Good Book, and shuffles through its pages and comes off with a verse that warns of “false prophets” or “false teachers.”

Suddenly one person is looking smugly at the other, figuring that they have trumped the other. “Aha, but you are a false teacher!” they exclaim. And the other, if smart and on their toes, would laugh and say, “why thanks friend, that’s the exact passage I was about to quote to you!”

If you are a progressive liberal Christian as I am, then this has happened quite a lot, along with equally smug refrains of “I’ll pray for you.”

Each of us no doubt is firmly convinced that we “know his voice” and we are equally sure that we “would not recognize the voice of strangers.”

Somebody has got to be wrong.

I turn then to the other perennial “knowing” time. The debate between believer and unbeliever. I know this terrain well, from both sides. I was once the smug one who said to my believing friends, “prove to me that God exists and I’ll be most happy to worship Him.” And they, in their strange fundamentalist circularity, would haul out the Good Book and locate verses that “proved God existed.”

Faced with atheists who taunt believers with “prove your God,” I of course know that resort to Holy Script is no answer. Yet, I cannot give the proof requested. For the only proof that non-believers accept is that akin to the scientific method, logical reasoning using deduction, induction and syllogistic rationals. And of course, much as Aquinas and others think they do this, they do not.

Faith is faith after all. It is that which is believed though not seen. Stick in any of the general senses we use to navigate this material world, and the answer is the same. Believed but not heard, not felt, not smelled, not tasted.

Yet, we know.

Some of us actually do know, and in the words of Thomas Merton:

And here all adjectives fall to pieces. Words become stupid. Everything you say is misleading–unless you list every possible experience and say: “This is not what it is.” “That is not what I am talking about.”

Most of us acknowledge that we don’t know  know. We believe. Yet this belief is so strong that we are more than willing, even happy and joyous to spend significant time each day reaching out to touch the ineffable yet real presence of God.

We sense in a way not explicable, yet real, that deep within us resides the real “I” that is forever and perfectly connected to its source.

We therefore know that Jesus’ words to us are true, yet we know to that we are vulnerable to mistake. We can never let down our guard and relax in some security that our baptism is “enough” to protect us from the false teacher.

Only by constant vigilance, only by constant seeking in the depths of our being, are we assured that God’s true voice rings clearly enough to let us know we are striving aright–following the true shepherd.

And this effort is not effort at all, it is not frenetic nor frightening, not anxiety provoking. It is our labor of love, it is our goal. We seek that precious knowing not to alleviate suffering or the pain of not knowing, but because that knowing is the truest most authentic living of all. It is what God desires for all his creation.

Amen.

**

John: 10:1-10
Thomas Merton, from “Seeds” excerpted from “New Seeds of Contemplation”

 

When Our Beloved Died, . . .

“When our Beloved died, all mankind died and all things for a space were still and gray. They the east was darkened, and a tempest rushed out of it and swept the land. The eyes of the sky opened and shut, and the rain came down in torrents and carried away  the blood that streamed from His hands and His feet.

I too died. But in the depth of my oblivion I heard Him speak and say, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

And His voice sought my drowned spirit and I was brought back to the shore.

And I opened my eyes and I saw His white body hanging against the cloud, and His words that I had heard took shape within me and became a new man. And I sorrowed no more.

Who would sorrow for a sea that is unveiling its face, or for a mountain that laughs in the sun?

Was it ever in the heart of man, when that heart was pierced, to say such words?

What other judge of men has released His judges? And did ever love challenge hate with power more certain of itself?

Was ever such a trumpet heard ‘twixt heaven and earth?

Was it known before that the murdered had compassion on his murderers? Or that the meteor stayed his footsteps for the mole?

The seasons shall tire and the years grow old, ere they exhaust these words: “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

And you and I, though born again and again, shall keep them.

And now I would into my house, and stand an exalted beggar, at His door.

                                                               ["Phillip," from Jesus the Son of Man, Kahlil Gibran]

Moving Toward. . .

 Well do I remember the last time I saw Jesus the Nazarene. Judas had come to me at the noon hour of  that Thursday, and bidden me prepare supper for Jesus and His friends. . . . At twilight He came and His followers, and they sat in the upper chamber around the board, but they were silent and quiet. . . . They stayed until  it was full dark, and then they all descended together from the upper chamber, but at the foot of the stairs Jesus tarried awhile. And He looked at me and my wife, and He placed His hand upon the head of my daughter and He said, “Good night to you all.” [from "Ahaz the Portly" Jesus the Son of Man, Kahlil Gibran]

In the dark night we call to one another and cry for help, while the ghost of Death stands in our midst stretching his black wings over us and, with his iron hands, pushes our souls into the abyss.

In the dark night Death strides on and we follow him frightened and moaning. Not one of us is capable of halting the fateful procession or even nourishing a hope of its end.

In the dark night Death walks and we walk behind him. And when he looks backward, hundreds of souls fall down on both sides of the road. And he who falls, sleeps and never awakens. And he who keeps his footing marches on fearfully in the dread certainty of falling later and joining those who have yielded to Death and entered the eternal sleep. But Death marches on, gazing at the distant Evening Twilight. [In the Dark Night, Kahlil Gibran]

We walk on,  following. . .knowing. . .our cheeks bathed in tears. We keep our footing.

Amen.

Of Jesus

You would have me speak of Jesus, but how can I lure the passion-song of the world into a hollowed reed?

In every aspect of the day Jesus was aware of the Father. He beheld Him in the clouds and in the shadows of the clouds that pass over the earth. He saw the Father’s face reflected in the quiet pools, and the faint print of His feet upon the sand; and He often closed His eyes to gaze into the Holy Eyes.

The night spoke to Him with the voice of the Father, and in solitude He heard the angel of the Lord calling to Him. And when He stilled Himself to sleep He heard the whispering of the heavens in His dreams.

He was often happy with us, and He would call us brothers.

Behold, He who was the first Word called us brothers, though we were but syllables uttered yesterday.

You ask why I call Him the first Word.

Listen and I will answer.

In the beginning God moved in space, and out of his measureless stirring the earth was born and the seasons thereof.

Then God moved again, and life streamed forth, and the longing of life sought the height and the depth and would have more of itself.

Then God spoke, and His words were man, and man was a spirit begotten by God’s Spirit.

And when God spoke thus, the Christ was His first Word and that Word was perfect; and when Jesus of Nazareth came to the world the first Word was uttered unto us and the sound was made flesh and blood.

Jesus the Anointed was the first Word of God uttered into man, even as if an apple tree in an orchard should bud and blossom a day before the other trees. And in God’s orchard that day was an æon.

We are all sons and daughters of the Most High, but the Anointed One was His first-born, who dwelt in the body of Jesus of Nazareth, and He walked among us and we beheld Him.

All this I say that you may understand not only in the mind but rather in the spirit. The mind weighs and measures but it is the spirit that reaches the heart of life and embraces the secret; and the seed of the spirit is deathless.

The wind may blow and then cease, and the sea shall swell and then weary, but the heart of life is a sphere quiet and serene, and the star that shines therein is fixed for evermore.

                                                                “John the Beloved Disciple”, from Jesus the Son of Man by Kahlil Gibran.

God Speech

The Lord travels in all directions at once.

The Lord arrives from all directions at once.

Wherever we are, we find that He has just departed.

Wherever we go, we find that He has just arrived before us.”  ~~Thomas Merton

We are, as mortals, living in our mortal shells, unable to understand the breadth and depth of God. We cannot imagine it. In one psalm, it says:

“to me how mysterious your thoughts,
the sum of them not to be numbered!
If I count them, they are more than sand;
to finish, I must be eternal like you.” Ps 139

As we progress along the spiritual path, we are promised that what has been clouded, will become clear. Jim Marion in his book, Putting on the Mind of Christ, suggests that this is precisely why so much of the bible still eludes us. It is why the people of Jesus’ time could not comprehend his message, “the Way.” Not even his own disciples could at times, though there is reason to believe their level of spiritual consciousness was higher than most.

It is why mystics are not understood, or only partly. Marion suggests that until we have attained their level of spiritual consciousness, we simply cannot “get it.” There are no words in our reality grounded vocabulary to adequately explain the qualities and life of God.

All the more reason to pursue the path. All the more reason to continue to read and ponder the scriptures. For as we draw ever closer to the unity with God, we do indeed see more clearly. Scriptures open up to us in new ways, things troubling and paradoxical suddenly are not.

As Jesus said, they have ears but do not hear, eyes but they do not see.  Ever strive to rest in the Lord, for in those moments, we are given by grace ears that do hear, and eyes that do see. We no longer see as if a mirror darkly.

Amen.

Now is the Winter of Our Discontent

May nothing disturb you.

May nothing astonish you.

Everything passes.

God does not go away.

Patience

can attain anything.

He who has God within,

does not lack anything.

God is enough!“  [St. Theresa of Avila]

We have been engaged in Lent for a while now. The newness, the excitement of our dedication, the solemnity with which we approached each discipline, are waning. We are feeling dry. We find excuses–”I just don’t have time today,” or “I don’t think this is a meaningful practice after all.”

We see the long path still ahead. We are weary already.

Imagine how Jesus felt. Whether his 40-day trek in the desert, or his never-ending mission of radical openness. A friend pointed this out to me recently. Jesus was the Outsider, the one misunderstood by almost everyone, vilified by some, ignored utterly by others. How broad and endless must his desert have seemed to him.

St. Teresa informs us how to handle this difficult time. It is not very different from what we learn in Centering Prayer. Surrender, be patient, let nothing disturb you, either good or bad. It is all the same. God is within, fall into the heart. God is ever there.

I’ve received conflicting advice as to how to  handle the dry times. My inclination is to become more intense and devoted to ritual. It is the doing, rather than the meaningfulness (for that is never there in times of dryness) that is key.

Others have advised that one strip away all but essential practice, clear the decks if you will.

Perhaps both are equally valid, one works one time, another, another.

What is essential I feel, is what Teresa suggests, let nothing disturb you. Lent is the time of introspection, reflection and quiet.

Her remark that “everything passes” is excellent advice. Everyone from Buddha to your neighborhood psychoanalysist would tell you that. It is the way of getting past our melancholia. We who have lived sufficient years know how very true this is. Our dryness too will pass.

Soon, we will begin to feel the stirring of the coming Easter, that which we have waited for. Until then, rest. For God is within.

Amen.

Empty

“When you are with everyone but me,
                                               you’re with no one.
 
When you are with no one but me,
                                               you’re with everyone.
 
Instead of being so bound up with everyone,
                                                be everyone.
 
When ou become the many, you’re nothing.
                                                 Empty.   [Rumi]

This is the journey’s goal. This melding into the Oneness, this unspeakable knowing, the no-words-for joining, blending and simply being.

Have you ever been at a party or in another similar large group and felt unbearably lonely? Then the first sentence of Rumi’s poem resonates doesn’t it? Have you ever wished for a partner, only to find one and still at times feel alone? Then Rumi’s poem strikes deep into your heart.

The second line we take on faith, but not mere hope. We have the testimony of Jesus and myriads of mystics to assure us that it is true. Have you ever stood atop a hill and surveying the expanse of land and sky, and felt your heart about to burst with the glory of it all? Then this second sentence resonates, doesn’t it? Have you ever sat in church and suddenly lost all sense of everything, so captivated have you become with the Cross, and an intense presence of Christ?  Then Rumi’s poem strikes deep into your heart.

The third line, we all relate to don’t we? We bind ourselves to the drama of our relationships, be they romantic, business, friendships, or otherwise. We engage in all the feelings that people create in our psyche. We feel anger, hatred, fear, envy,  arrogance, smallness, and a hundred variations.

Yet we can feel compassion, sympathy, empathy, love, pity, tenderness.

Does a spouse or friend have the capacity to take you from your peace? Then the binding line resonates, doesn’t it? Does film of others digging through rubble of an earthquake, searching for a loved one, bring you to tears? Then the being line, resonates with you, doesn’t it? And Rumi’s poem strikes deep into your heart.

When we submerge into the Allness, we lose ourselves. We are empty. We are what Jesus asked of us. “Whoever would save his life will lose it and whoever loses his life will find it.”

Giving ourselves totally into all that God is, leaves us empty of ourselves, yet paradoxically, filled with God.

Can there be a better place to be?

Drink deep of the emptiness and be filled.

Amen.

Walk Humbly With Your God

We are all aware of the biblical quotation: “it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man enter the kingdom of God.”

It has been discovered that one of the gates into Jerusalem was the “needle gate” and that camels, to enter, knelt first.

As early as the 4th century, explanations of this passage have revolved around the gate in Jerusalem.

“Literally, the ‘needle’s eye’ was a certain gate in Jerusalem. The camel is taught by nature to stoop down when passing through a low place, and to walk on its knees. That is why it has padded knees, so as not to hurt them when it walks on them. It is easier, then, for a camel to pass through, because a camel can lower itself by nature, whereas a rich man can do so only by grace.”[ St. Anthony of Padua, Sermons for Sundays and Festivals. Volume II. trans. Paul Spilsbury (Padua: Edizioni Messaggero Padova, 2007), 301.]

Now I understand some take issue with this interpretation. In other words, they take issue with the existence of the gate and that this particular saying made reference to it.

But, I think the point is well taken in any case. We are reminded that the “humility” of the camel in lowering itself onto its knees in order to enter the city is a reminder to us.

It is perhaps not that the rich man is rich, so much as he is arrogant in his being. He has acquired much, perhaps by much work, and he has come to think of himself as not only better than others, but also as the creator of his wealth and position in society.

This arrogance or pride in accomplishment prevents him from seeing the truth. That he controls nothing, he simply moves tangible things around the chess board for a few years. In the end, he is placed in the grave alone and bereft of his things. He enters the next stage as naked and unimportant as the guy in the grace beside him.

I often questioned exactly what humility was. I found the answer in an unlikely place. Mother Angelica, creator of the ETWN network,  and severe conservative Catholic nun.

I used to watch her shows from time to time, although I did not agree with her “pre-Vatican II” kind of take on Catholic teaching and practices. But one day, she was reading from a letter asking her the question, what was humility.  I thought her answer was perfect.

She said, “humility is realizing that whatever you do that is found worthy of praise by anyone, is not your doing, but is the doing of God. God accomplishes, we are but the vessel.”

The rich can enter the Kingdom if they realize that important fact. And so can we all. Today  let us be mindful of our successes, great and small as they might be, and recall that it is the God within us that does good. We have enough to be responsible for in all the things that are not good that we do.

Amen.

Jesus Awaits

“At the center of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin or illusion, a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to God, which is never at our disposal, from which God disposes of our lives, which is inaccessible to the fantasies of our own mind or the brutalities of our own will. This little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty is the pure glory of God written in us, as our poverty, as our indigence, as our sonship. It is like a pure diamond blazing with the invisible light of heaven. It is in everybody, and if we could see it, we would see these billions of points of light coming together in the face and blaze of a sun that would make all darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely. I have no program for this seeing. It is only given.  But the gate of heaven is everywhere.” ~~ Thomas Merton

Oh how blessed it is to know that God awaits us in the silent depths of our soul. That there, we gain all by uniting in perfection with all of creation. It is “The Way” that Jesus taught. It is pure gift, unwarranted and unearned. It is grace unto the human expression. It is ours whether we ever are even aware of it.

To seek this gate is our goal, to live within the diamond brilliance our destiny.

Today let us imagine that point of light within us, and let us see it in all we meet, in every living thing that draws breath upon the Earth. Jesus awaits us, behind the door, awaiting our knock. Enter eternity in this moment.

Amen.

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